Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
