Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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