Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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