I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
