There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
