theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
