sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
