Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
