um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
