I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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