i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
