i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
