You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
