is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
