I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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