if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
