I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
