You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize