she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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