Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dignity is for republicans.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
