you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
