the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
