And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
