She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
