he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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