Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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