a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
