you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This baby is an asshole
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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