I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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