If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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