you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
