He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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