when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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