Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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