i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize