It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
