I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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