i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
