Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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