Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
