what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize