the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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