Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize