why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
