i already hear my dad disowning me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who died my cat blue again?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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