she was so not down for the gang bang
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
