Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
