I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
