I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize