im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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