There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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