At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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