she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
