spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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