so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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