Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
