I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
