I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
