I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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