i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
