If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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