I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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