He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
