It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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