I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
