Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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