we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
