4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i love accidental penises.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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