So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
