At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
