she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
