i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
