Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
