I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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