Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
